You know that you need yourself a new truck when:
You pull over to let a fire truck go by, and it stops behind you.
You have to go to an upholstery shop every thousand miles to get the duct tape replaced.
You accidentally make the wrong turn, pull into a junkyard’s driveway to turn around, and get pulled over for stealing.
The Blue Book lists your vehicle as “Health Risk.”
The only thing holding your bumper on is the “Honk If You’re Horny” sticker.
You return to your pickup to find that someone broke in and left a hundred dollars with a few bags of groceries.
Valets puts on mechanic’s overalls before parking it.
Neighborhood dogs don’t consider it worth chasing.
Tires by Firestone, brakes by Flintstone.
Your auto parts store has to use their connections in Havana to get parts.
The owner’s manual uses “ye” “thou”, or “shalt not”.
The stick shift is an actual stick.
A metal recycler makes a living following you everywhere