Will’s Thoughts About The Types Of Owners Who Let Their Dogs Bark
A while back I wrote about irresponsible dog owners, those horse’s rear ends who leave their mutts barking outside for hours on end. Folks whom I cannot fathom the depths of their IQ. So, I decided to do a little digging into the ‘types’ of owners who believe it’s okay to ruin everyone’s peace quiet by letting their darn dogs bark (notice I didn’t say ‘class’ of owner, because they have none).
In my investigation of imbecilic pet owners, I discovered there are primarily two types of ‘problem’ dog owners. There’s the dirt poor, and then there’s the well off. Both share a sense of entitlement, and both have a propensity to be remarkably ignorant and inconsiderate. I reckon that the middle-class does a great job of raising kids and pets, which accounts for the much smaller numbers of doggy dolts among them.
I expected low class folks to be the worst offenders, but what I found caught me totally off guard. There are even higher numbers of high class folks who let their mutant patio rats scream canine profanity for hour after hour, shattering the peace of entire neighborhoods.
Now after a few hours of unrelenting noise pollution, I sure don’t blame next door neighbors for wanting to stuff Fifi and Pepe into a cannon and shoot them through their owner’s window, but it’s not the animal’s fault. They say pets are a lot like children, so the parents of the pets involved here are irresponsible and abusive jackasses who seem to think that it’s okay to leave their furry kids out on the patio screaming the doggie version of the ‘F’ word all day.
And rarely will the self-centered, socially challenged jerks have just one pet that they neglect. Oh no. It’s said that misery likes company, so this type of owner gets to thinking, “It’s unfair to leave little Coco alone all day, so I’ll get her a ‘friend’!” Seriously? Just how stupid can a person get?
They obviously can’t or won’t so don’t take care of one pet, so why in tarnation compound their neglect under the guise of love? Sadly, if they own both dogs and cats, it’s double trouble for neighbors. Not only will the dogs drive them crazy with incessant barking, the cats will use their flower beds and gardens as litter boxes.
Now I don’t believe the solution is putting animals through ‘school’ to correct the obnoxious vocal assault on everything for miles around. The truth is that the behavioral modification needing to be done, needs to be done to the owner. If school is unsuccessful for the owner, there are behavioral modification strategies, such as aversion therapy, that may prove to be much more effective. After all, it’s unfair to blame and punish the animal for the owner’s ignorance and irresponsibly.
So, I reckon that after committing repeated offenses, and refusing to be responsible for their darling windbags, as a condition of continued ownership the offending human should be ordered to wear a shock collar. And it should be set to go off every time their four-legged bark bag unleashes an ear-shattering vocal barrage. In fact, I firmly believe it should be a mandatory condition of continued dog ownership if reasoning with the person does not work. And the collar does not necessarily need to be attached to their neck. I think authorities should be encouraged to be ‘anatomically creative’ to insure maximum effect. If they did, I bet there’d be a whole heap less barking going on.
My heart sure goes out to you folks who live outside of city limits, because there’s little that can legally be done to help you deal with neighbors who let their dogs bark. But within city limits there are noise bylaws being violated, and action will be taken if and when complaints are made. So I encourage anyone suffering from constant canine noise pollution to report the violators to animal control officers, or the city’s bylaw department. You have rights. Stand up for them. Call to report a putz, and let the city shut their mutts.