By Mel McConaghy
Barb and I were going on a cruise that our daughter had given us, and to catch our ship we needed to get through airport security to fly to Los Angeles.
We stayed at a hotel near the airport overnight, and caught a shuttle the next morning, leaving the car at the hotel.
Everything went wonderfully, until we tried to clear airport security. Barbara put her coat and purse in a tub on a belt that took it through the security scanner, walked through the metal detector and picked them up at the other end. No problem.
Our tote bag also went through with no problem. Then it was my turn. They made me empty my pockets, take off my shoes, belt and necklace, almost stripping me. I need to explain that I have a good luck travelling thing about my shorts, socks and favorite jeans. To avoid taking chances, I was wearing them this particular day. My lucky socks had a hole in the toe, but I’d thought what the heck, who’s going to see it? When my wife spotted my toe hanging out, she turned a bright crimson and turned away in disgust. Now my lucky jeans were a bit loose in the waist, so without a belt, they had a tendency to drift downward as they obeyed gravity. To eliminate more embarrassment for my wife, I held them up with one hand.
Concealed by my jeans, I had my lucky shorts on. Now, over the years the waistband had stretched, but instead of throwing them away, I tucked, folded and stapled the waistband. Not with a small stapler either, but with an industrial size stapler that used huge metal industrial staples. Needless to say, when I went through airport security, the scanner lit up like I’d just won a jackpot. There I stood, in front of this security lady who stood about five foot four inches tall, whom, I’m sure if she’d been an inch taller, she would have been square. She was black, and wore a big black belt bristling with all sorts of rigging that a security officer wears. I began wondering to myself, ‘What’s keeping her belt up?’ When she turned around to talk to a co-worker, I found out!
Apparently she read my thoughts, because she came at me holding out a body scanner, and in a very demanding voice said, “Lift your arms, stretched outward at the shoulders, Sir.” I stood there with arms outstretched, as my jeans started traveling toward Australia, and her scanner’s alarm started screaming. When I reached down to retrieve my pants, she jumped back in a defensive stance, shouting, “Sir! I said to keep your arms shoulder high!” When I told her about the stapled shorts, and she saw my toe hanging out, she rolled her eyes and waved me through airport security. I guess she had a husband too…
Barb And Mel’s Wondrous Adventure Part 1
Barb And Mel’s Wondrous Adventure Part 2
Barb And Mel’s Wondrous Adventure Part 3
Barb And Mel’s Wondrous Adventure Part 4
Barb And Mel’s Wondrous Adventure Part 5
Barb And Mel’s Wondrous Adventure Part 6
My Life Through a Broken Windshield by Mel McConaghy
Mel McConaghy is a retired trucker and author from Prince George, British Columbia. Mel’s tales are his views of life “through a broken windshield”. They are entertaining and humorous in a folksy style.
Visit Mel’s website at www.melmcconaghy.com