The Logical Absurdity TV Channel
6 a.m. – Morning News – To get your day off on the wrong foot, all the bad news that happened overnight is presented. The depressed mindset you develop counterbalances the stimulants you took in at breakfast in the form of sugar, caffeine and fried pork.
9 a.m. – The Whiners – Reality Show – The stars of this show make up various complaints on what they don’t like about the world. Plus they continually bitch about things that don’t go their way. Then they make up reasons why other people should change. But The Whiners never take a close look at their own life and do what is needed to be changed there.
10 a.m. – Medical Drama – Hypochondriacs compete with each other on who has the worst ailments. The winner gets an all expenses paid trip to anywhere on the globe where they can get infected with anything and everything.
11 a.m. – It’s Not My Time Yet – Talk Show – People relate stories on how they dream about having more abundance in their lives yet continue to sabotage themselves with negative thoughts and settle for mediocrity. Included is how they cope with such a reality and how things aren’t so bad.
Noon Business Report – Middle management types gather to ponder age old questions like; “What if I get fired or laid off?” Is there alternatives to filing bankruptcy?” “Will I get promoted or downsized in the next office shake up?”
1 p.m. – It’s Not What You Know, It’s Who You Know – Drama – Stories that show the best opportunities go to those who brown nose their way to the top. They recoken why use talent or develop job skills when sucking up gets one further up the corporate ladder.
2 p.m. – Trailer Park Trash – Afternoon Talk Show – Features guests who never learned to do anything in life except bumble their way through it. They actually think they have stories that would be of interest to the audience. Staged fights help develop skills for a wrestling career.
3 p.m. – Workday Blues – Situation Comedy – The cast find innovative ways to get out of as much work as possible.
3:30 p.m. – Management Types – Situation Comedy – While never having learnt any valuable work skills, middle management think they can keep things running efficiently while maintaining a bloated bureaucracy.
4 p.m. – Lazy Man Aerobics – How to avoid exercise of any kind especially if it involves walking up hill for more than 2 blocks or lifting anything over 5 pounds.
5 p.m. – World Madness – Social Commentary – Shows the various situations that keeps the human race up for a Darwin Award.
6 p.m. – Evening News – Picks up where the morning news left off. Just when viewers think they can start leaving the day behind them, the newscast will put them into a deeper funk.
7 p.m. – Olympic Sports – Sales personnel perform several feats of mental gymnastics by explaining low sale records to boss, deductions on tax form to Revenue Canada and why he was out late several nights to wife.
8 p.m. – Reruns – All those commercials you missed while getting a sandwich and cold beverage from the fridge or taking a bathroom break.
9 p.m. – They Are Out There – Documentary – Conspiracy theorists from throughout the world join together to find out who is really controlling global affairs. Everyone from international bankers to multi-national corporations to shape shifting lizards is thought responsible. Our conspiracy theorists think that Big Brother posing as several different agencies is plotting to destroy life, as we know it, to fill their own agenda. Also claimed is that NASA is with holding evidence of what is really happening in the Universe.
10 p.m. – Late Night News – More bad news for those wanting to give up sleep due to depression.
11 p.m. – Godzilla and Rodan – Horror Movie – Prehistoric creatures team up for the first time as they enter the USA with a shipment of electronic cars. The USA auto and oil industries are destroyed in a matter of weeks. White House can do nothing.