Well it finally came today. To tell you the truth, I’d forgotten about the darn thing since it‘s been so long since I’d ordered it. Let me see, was it September? Maybe it was October? Regardless, it was in my hot little hand and it looked amazing. It was so colorful, purple with yellow writing on the cover, and a photograph of lusciously green asparagus.
Yup, it was my first magazine since the grandkids corralled me into buying subscriptions for the fundraiser at their school. A lot of claims were on that cover, ladies. You’ve noticed them too I’m sure. Large colorful text screaming out at us, promising forty two FRESH, HEALTHY QUICK, RECIPES! (With photos no less). Attention grabbing headlines like “SAVE TIME, SAVE MONEY MEALS, and EAT THIS TO BURN FAT”…. FRUIT DESSERTS MADE EASY”. Okay, now they have my full attention because dessert is my middle name.
I’m telling myself that I’ll just start at the front of the magazine, and savor the desserts at the end. You know, just like dinner, since I was starving already. I flip through the first pages and skip the adverts for wine and cheese strings until I get to the contents page. Articles on everything you have ever wondered about food jump off the page, along with a beautiful picture of Strawberry Rhubarb Quinoa pudding. Quinoa? Pudding? Turning the page I hit the mother lode …the RECIPE INDEX! Now we’re at the real “meat and potatoes” of the magazine, if you’ll pardon the pun. OMG!! I don’t believe it! Every calorie, scrap of fat, carbs, and sprinkle of sodium is listed here next to the recipe. Now, I believe in healthy eating, but this is just overkill. I would have to be obsessive compulsive to spend time analyzing everything I ate. Nothing sucks the joy out of a good meal more than someone sitting across from you telling you the fat content of that dinner bun you just ate. If I had to make dinner according to this type of thinking, we’d all look like hockey sticks with hair! I wouldn’t bother to cook.
The photographs look impressive, but the ingredients are sketchy. Let’s see, what do I have on hand to make these healthy recipes?
Poblano peppers? Sorry fresh out of these. Chipotle chili in adobo? I think not! Vegetarian sausage patty? Should sausage and vegetarian even be in the same sentence? Extra firm tofu? Nope none of that. Star anise? I did buy this back in ‘89, but I think I finally got rid of these. Garlic Scapes? How am I supposed to cook with this if my dictionary doesn’t even know what it is? Curry Paste… nope. One large coconut. Not gonna happen today. Avocados. Jackpot!! I have avocados, but they won’t be ripe for another week, and when, and if, I go to use them, they’ll be brown on the inside. It’s another disappointment.
By now I am ravenous, have wasted a good hour paging through this recipe book, and now I have to dig up something to eat. I’ve mentally eaten all this healthy food, and I am already tired of mentally cooking it too. Heading into the kitchen I spy the last of the Tim bits sitting on the counter. Hmmmm seems to me they are made out of flour, which is a grain, right? Yippee!
Thank heavens for the good old Canada food guide!
Author Val Enders resides in Spruce Grove, Alberta. She married her high school sweetheart, Richard, and they’ve been together for over 40 years. Val doesn’t consider herself a writer by profession, rather she writes more for her own enjoyment. An accomplished artist, Val’s a member of the Allied Arts Council of Spruce Grove. Visit Val’s “Journey Into Art” website at www.vals.webs.com