1. Stare with exactly the same expression, whether you’re looking at nothing, or at an ax murderer.
2. Wait till your human lays out clean clothes and decide they’re the perfect place to nap.
3. Race through the house, hair on end, and then stop in the attack pose. Then walk off nonchalantly. Repeat as necessary.
4. Play with invisible objects.
5. Wait till your human is asleep, then jump up and start kneading available body parts.
6. Do a figure 8 through your humans’ legs while they are walking around the kitchen cooking something you won’t get a bite of.
7. Before your human gets out of their bed, make sure that you’re napping square in the bathroom doorway.
8. Leave gifts of small animal body parts in your human’s shoes, then wait to be praised. Stalk off if not rewarded for your gift.
9. When you absolutely have to go to the vet, cling to your human’s head, howl at the top of your lungs and spew hairballs.
10. Wait until your human is eating, then jump on the table and shed furiously.
11. And, remember, using your litter box at human mealtimes is always great fun.